Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
