Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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