I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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