We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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