He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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