I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
