My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
