I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
