Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
