puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
