Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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