Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
