He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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