A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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