RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
