the condom got lost in my hair
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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