Please, let me fuck your mom
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
