I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
