turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
