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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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