I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize