you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Randomize
