why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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