I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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