dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
