Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
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His hands were made for my vagina.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
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is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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