Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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