ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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