Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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