i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I intend to get homeless drunk
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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