I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
