You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
