Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
