What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
