I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
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