we have officially lost it.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
