That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
