Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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