Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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