Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
