i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
