I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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