proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
