Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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