who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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