In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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