I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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