just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
