just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
