Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
