I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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