My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
