So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
