I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a sexual gate keeper
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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