He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
worst night to have a conscience
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
