It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
