Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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