I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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