sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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