my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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