went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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