Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
