how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he thought i was a dude.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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