He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
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He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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