I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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